Going through a really crappy break-up is pretty much a rite of passage, but there are certain things you can do to ease up how horrific is, and, at the very least, make sure that the pain only last for a minimal amount of time.
Because Lorelei Mathias - author of Break Up Club - is a bit of an expert on the topic, we asked her to outline five very important, and totally effective tips to ensure your broken heart heals up ASAP. Some of them are easier than others. eg. buying loads of Activia. ACHIEVABLE.
1. No Face-stalking.
It's self-harm, pure and simple. BUC Law states that exes should be un-friended no later than 48 hours after a break-up. Don't just 'unfollow' them; that's CHEATING. You know you'll still click on their profile for stalky-stalks!
You could even go further and 'unfollow' his friends – that way you won't have to see their ugly mug coming up when they're at parties. As for their phone number, either go for full deletion, or re-save it as 'Don't Answer'.
2. Thou shalt not have a rebound relationship.
It's tempting to walk straight into something new - it feels all shiny and exciting, doesn't it? And it's hardly surprising people do transference – all that love you had for that person, it has to go somewhere, doesn't it? Trouble is, if it does happen to go tits up, you'll end up in DWHBH (Double Whammy Heartbreak Hell). Which believe me, is NO PLACE FOR ANYONE.
Why take two heartbreaks into the shower? No - the best thing to do is get some self-love going instead. At least until your full 'Notice Period' has lapsed. To calculate your Notice Period, simply count one month for each year of 'service' to your last relationship.
3. Make a list; check it twice.
Whether you were dumped or not, list out all the reasons you don't want to be with them anymore. Ask your friends what they secretly thought of them. Have them do their worst! Print it. Laminate it. Look at it every time you do a wobble.
4. Clear your memories, because Science.
It's a fact that staring at pictures of your ex just reinforces the old neural pathways you're trying to do away with. We don't have the Eternal Sunshine Machine (sadly), but we can wipe our devices clean of the memories instead.
Have a friend perform a 'Digital Exorcism'. Hand over your mobile, laptop or tablet. Have them move every photo, message, email into a folder called 'Don't Look'.
The 'break-up diet' is a rare perk of the conscious uncoupling. Those first few weeks, you won't be eating much besides your own mucus, from crying so much. So be sure to stock up on pro-biotic drinks and soups to keep your stomach lining from eating itself. Essentially, you're regressing to the diet of a toddler, and that's totes fine. For now.
Want some more pearls of wisdom from the brain of Lorelei? Check out her new book, Break Up Club, in stores now.
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