Nothing can quite compare to the intensely awkward experience of being alive, but, even though it might feel like you're the only person out there who manages to screw up every social interaction, Beth Garrod's book, Super Awkward, is here to prove you wrong.
So, in celebration of your new favourite YA read, we asked Beth to compile a Super Awkward Guide To Life sharing loads of advice on how to conquer everyday awkward situations. IDEAL. Now, we hand over to the wisdom of Beth:
Life. A beautiful journey, where homework doesn't exist , hair looks flawless 24/7 and hot boys fall in love with girls because of their in-depth PLL theories.
Or a daily struggle of snorting when you laugh, getting tiny insects stuck in your freshly applied lip gloss and tripping over a puddle that took you by surprise (all in front of hot boy mentioned above).
So, if you know what it's like to get your hair caught in a stranger's coat button, and your selfie game is 98% accidental under-chin disaster, then you might need these. It's our Super Awkward Guide to Life aka top tips for dealing with everyday disasters.
1) You spit a bit of crisp on to the face of the person you fancy.
First assess. How bad is it? Oh, excellent, it's a glob of bright orange Monster Munch - not even a more discreet Walkers' Salt and Vinegar.
You have two options here.
- Pretend you can't see it - even if they do that investigative-polite-face-pat. Just give them an, 'are you ok there?' look to throw them off the face-decoration scent (fingers crossed there isn't also a 'Pickled Onion' scent you'll also need to disguise). Now, this CAN work, but only if there is NO WAY anyone else will join the convo. Cos then not only will you have spat crisp on their face, but you'll have let them suffer the shame of carrying it around with them, like a designer handbag. But the opposite.
- The alternative is to come clean and tell them. But obvs, it's hard enough holding convo with someone you fancy, LET ALONE when there's part of your masticated mouthful abseiling off their cheek.
Option one it is.
2) Doorbell rings. You've just squeezed the world's biggest spot.
In films this is how it works; Doorbell rings and hot coincidence - you've just finished perfecting your latest make-up look. On your way back from the hairdresser. And you've just skipped through a mist of Eau De Marshmallow.
The reality is you're in dog pyjamas. And horse slippers. And have just spent five minutes doing some pretty hefty excavation of that mega-between-the-brows spot. And you may have forgotten today's deodorant. And you fling open the door to find a group of your friends who were just calling for you in case you were free. OH HAI WORLD'S WORST SURPRISE.
Fact. The damage is done on first glimpse. So you could ignore it. ORRR point wildly behind them, pretend a Pikachu has surfaced at that exact second and run off to apply a Poke-ball's worth of concealer. 100XP to you.
3) You call your teacher 'mum'. Twice.
Worse when it's a male teacher. This is mortifying on three main levels:
- Your teacher hears
- Everyone in your class hears
- You have to accept your brain was spending its subconscious time thinking about your mum, when it could have been working out how Ariana Grande can look that good on an exercise bike while singing and wearing heels the size of a small footstool.
Good news - you WILL live this down. Everyone has done it. Probs including Louis Tomlinson, and is that what he's known for now? IS IT? However, in the MOM (Moment Of Mortification) you could style it out by carrying on the mum-splurt with a, 'Mummmmmm-ite on toast is my favourite. Who wants some for breakfast tomorrow?' It will be so confusing that no one will remember why they were originally staring at you. And hopefully they'll think about toast instead.
4) You're walking your dog – and she dives head first into The Area That Shall Not Be Named of the fit boy who always plays football near your house.
Ok, this is easier. Because instead of focusing on your pant-region obsessed dog (who totally knows you are throwing her evils), you can do the awkward-switch-around. YES. Make this about why his pants are so enticing to furry friends. Is it the smell? MAYBE HE DOESN'T WASH? Is it the sound? Sorry not sorry, but what noises is he making down there?! Or is there a weird habit you don't know about? Bonios down his trousers anyone?
With the appropriate range of disapproving looks - and saying, 'I don't know WHAT'S come over her, she NEVER normally does this', (channel your inner Mary Berry to really bring this home), the awkward shoe could soon be on his foot.
Soooo, hopefully this might help you just be a bit less mega awks. And if not, at least you can know that Bella Fisher - the lead character in Super Awkward - has done all this awkward and way more.
And REMEMBER, however awkward things get - even if a bird poos on your new top causing you to accidentally press send on an aubergine emoji to your dad - the more excellent a story it'll be for your friends later.
Beth's novel, about an awkward fifteen year-old called Bella Fisher, is in stores now - so if you're looking for a new YA read that'll make you laugh, Super Awkward is a pretty perfect choice.
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