Ed Sheeran has revealed that fellow boyband lover and musical bezzie Taylor Swift nearly met her sorry end in his company, after he almost IMPALED HER WITH HIS SWORD - not like that (let's keep it clean), but with an actual-pointy-edged sword that could kill someone. You know, because which self-respecting celebrity desn't have one lying about for fencing and stuff.
Ed says he was flying in Taylor’s posh private plane to Nashville (nice) when his sword, given to him by the director of The Lord of the Rings Peter Jackson, nearly caused a very messy accident as the plane was taking off.
Our favourite freckly singer explained: "It's like a real sword, so I was bringing it back to Nashville and I think [Taylor] and her crew were weirded out by it anyway. They were just like, 'Why does Ed have a sword?'" - fair point, Eddy. We imagine this was like the scene in Kill Bill when Uma Thurman's taking her samurai home, but with more guitars.
“[The sword] started sliding down [the plane] and I was like, 'No!' It was just about to impale Taylor."
IMPALE. Not just 'hit her on the ankle and probably annoy her a bit,' IMPALE.
It’s a good thing that Taylor wasn’t hurt by Ed’s toy, as that would have made the rest of her six-month 'Red' tour pretty awkward – just how do you apologise for stabbing someone? Somehow we don’t think flowers and chocolates would be enough.
We all know Swifty isn’t one to shy away from writing songs about her dramatic love life, so maybe we should be expecting a hit soon about her new BFF nearly killing her? We’re thinking “Ginger sword of death” could definitely be number one.
Let’s hope that this eventful plane journey will teach Ed to keep his sword safely tucked away from now on. Heh.