So how the hell did it all go?

Another strong show, X Factor 2012 is already 100 times better than last year’s, and tonight there was a bit of a shift in who is usually good and who can be a bit average. There were a few boring bits, but for the most we managed to get through the two hours without needing to put our fist in our mouth to entertain ourselves.

The judges were feeling extra bitchy towards one another and while Nicole Scherzinger carried on bringing food and Jahmene Douglas’s balls into every comment, Gary Barlow was doing his utmost not to stare at Tulisa’s boobies that were OH SO VERY THERE.

So come on, who was the best then?

We’ve got to give it to ‘em, District3 were frickin’ flamin’ awesome. After being in the bottom two last week Dan Ferrari Lane, Greg West and Micky Parsons came back fighting with their rendition of Beggin’ by Madcon. It was great to see the boys be themselves and steer away from the more subdued performances of the previous weeks.

District3

Union J of course were brilliant and definitely cemented their place on a million girls’ bedroom walls; and Ella Henderson also gave another incredible vocal (vocal? We sound like Gazza B), even if her dance moves were a bit stiff.

Was there a fail whale in the room?

There were no massive fails, but Christopher Maloney just did not hold up against the rest of the talent in the show. He’s just too dated, soz Chris.

Many will probably say that Rylan was crap, but we can’t help but love him, so sorrynotsorry.

Will the first act fall victim to the curse? Can you even remember the first act?

Agh, no sorry... Actually yes, it was Christopher, but we only remember because we just wrote about him.

Boyband watch:

Well despite the fact they are two totally different groups we have to say that for the first time District3 have managed to better Union J. We reckon they’ll both be totally safe, but while Union J gave an awesome performance, District3 just outshone everyone.

Union J

And now for a paragraph dedicated to Nicole:

Tonight Nicole may still have been a little tipsy from her pint with James Arthur last week. She was very keen to talk about cheese and Jahmene’s balls again; and was having a lovely time getting out of her seat and dancing. She was doing a lot of feisty face this evening and even introduced a new word, SHERMAZING. Is it as in “Scherzinger”mazing?

Bottom two?

Hmm we’d be worried if we were Christopher, Kye Sones and maybe even Jade Ellis.

Any clear winners from tonight’s show?

Ella Henderson and James Arthur are still in the lead, but D3, Union J and Jahmene are all closing in on them.

IMAGES: ITV PICTURES