Seeing as Luke Hemmings from 5SOS is a
mighty piece of ass great human being, we thought it would be useful to provide some educational material for you to reflect upon on about him and his life. So grab a chair and get ready to expand your mind with some Luke facts we guarantee you will 100% never, ever have heard before*.
*Namely because they maybe/potentially/might not be true. Ahem.
1. Lucas Robert Hemmings was actually born Dave Stacey Bongaroo, but his whole family were forced to move house and change their names after an incident involving a wallaby, a teapot and his neighbour's favourite didgeridoo.
2. He is a vague descendant of Dolly Parton and Blink-182's Tom DeLonge following a magical night the pair shared in a Nevada motel back in 1996.
3. The real reason Luke likes penguins so much is because as a child, he once lost his parents at the zoo. Having accidentally tumbled into the penguin enclosure, he was swiftly adopted by an Erect-Crested penguin known as Macaroni and lived there for several months before he was discovered by zookeepers. He's been a fan of sushi ever since.
4. He has been wracked with night terrors since the age of 13 and the only thing that can calm him is the special nightmare song Michael sings him as he tenderly strokes his face and rocks him back to sleep.
5. Luke was named the 2001 aubergine growing champion of the Macquarie area of Sydney. Unfortunately he was stripped of his crown after it was revealed he bought his entry from a local supermarket.
6. When he met Katie Price, he cried for eight whole minutes. "I've been such a big fan since I was a small child," Luke says, reliving the experience with a misty look in his eye. "She's been such a strong role model in my life and I've always been impressed that she manages not to topple over with those boobs of hers. I've always thought standing up is harder than people give you credit for."
7. His eyebrows are insured for more than Charlie Simpson's. We're talking a six figure sum. Rumour has it they've also done car commercials - in Japan.
8. Every single bandana Ashton Irwin owns was hand embroidered with his name by Luke. In actual fact, he likes nothing more than spending his down time on the tour bus sewing and has since taken over the role of fixing name tapes into each of the boys' underpants.
9. People some think Luke is the quieter one. He's not, it's just that he prefers to speak using telepathy and only dogs, dolphins and 5SOS fans can hear the frequency he communicates via.
10. When Luke and Calum are out on their own, they like to pretend to be Gemma Collins and Arg from TOWIE, despite the fact Cal ain't ever getting any of Luke's caaaaaanddddy.
11. Luke was a hair double in Jedward's music video for hit single 'Ice Ice Baby' with Vanilla Ice. "It was a dark time in my life," Luke said. "But getting out there and having my hair receive the love and attention it deserves really helped me. John and Edward really were the ones that opened my eyes to the potential of a career combining both music and strong hair game."
12. As a small boy, his first dream was to sing show tunes on Broadway, but after a school production of Dirty Dancing went horribly wrong, he has never been able to look at watermelons the same way again. Whatever you do, don't ever ask him about it. He will probably cry and nobody wants that.
13. The real reason Luke plays guitar is because he once had a dream where a unicorn came down from heaven and told him that if he didn't, it would eat Calum Hood. He has never looked back and has lived in fear ever since.
14. He is the voice of animated TV star Pingu. The money he has earnt so far has also allowed him to put a down payment on cosmetic surgery to have a beak transplant.
15. If he could have any other career it would be as a zumba instructor. "I just like to cut loose and shake my thang," Luke said as he limbered up with a few squat thrusts before a class. "Plus the feel of lycra on bare skin makes me feel wild and free."
16. Rumour has it Luke once queued for 11 hours to be an extra in All Time Low's 'Weightless' music video. Unfortunately he'd actually mistaken it for a Weight Watchers meeting and while he missed out on being in the vid, at least he got some nutritionally balanced snacks and some lifelong friends out of the experience.
17. His nipples once won an award for bravery. Their acceptance speech went on for 20 minutes and one of them wept.
18. That's not actually a lip piercing he's got. It's a tracking device Liz had implanted in his face just in case he ever gets lost in the bush. Also useful for finding him when he lays down in fields of buttercups and is camouflaged like some sort of 6ft tall gecko.
19. Luke isn't actually 19 at all. He's 43 but uses a mixture of coconut oil and a rare African peanut butter to keep his skin so bright and dewy.
So there you have it - bet you didn't know that lot, did you? WHAT DO YOU MEAN WE MADE THEM ALL UP? We're just very good at research we'll have you know.
Comments and bday love for Hemmo to us @Sugarscape please, but not before you check out the 5SOS lads doing some exceptionally dirty dancing below.
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