There's nothing like kicking off the weekend with a story to ruin your life, so HERE WE ARE with all the really top banana, spiffingly good news that you've always dreamed of reading about, involving Harry Styles and a blonde American model. Marvy.
Remember back in the day when all the hoo-har with Paige Reifler and her pals kicked off? She straddled him, Harry angry tweeted, we fainted with drama overload. Well she's back, having been spotted getting cosy with him earlier this week, after sharing a photo apparently wearing his clothes. Hahahahahahaha. No.
Imagine our joy and delight yesterday when pics emerged showing Harry making an appearance looking GEE PHEW at the GQ party, in a cleavage bearing unbuttoned shirt and a rather large fedora. It was pretty great.
What we failed to realise was that also making her way into the venue was 'ex-girlfriend' (hmm…) Paige, wearing a bloody matching hat and generally looking eye-pokingly gorgeous. Good job she's really ugly to make us feel better about all of this… Life.
While it could be a coincidence, an inside source spilled to The Sun that Harry attended the party just to see Paige: "Harry turned up specifically to meet up with Paige but they were as discreet as possible at the event."
Please excuse us while we briefly construct an ark to sail away on our own river of tears.
"Then they both left the main party, which was on the rooftop next to the pool, and went downstairs to the more private restaurant. They were having drinks with her agents."
"But Harry ended up putting his arm around Paige and they were very flirty together. They ended up leaving on their own because there were lots of photographers outside.
If they were on a bit of a secret date, it's no wonder that Paige and Harry didn't fancy getting snapped together by the paps, as she received a shedload of abuse last time they were linked, and got tangled up in a whole load of pretty nasty drama.
But then if that is the case, you do sort of have to wonder why she's posting casual selfies of herself rolling around on the floor seemingly wearing Harry's signature brown coat and Rolling Stones tee.
Whatchu playin' gurl? Ah well, DON'T FEAR THE REIFLER. Except do a bit because we have no idea what the fudge is going on.
We're off to stick our head into a bucket of spaghetti hoops.
Right, time to send us a comment pronto because we're having a breakdown. What do you make of all of this? Are Harry and Paige a THING?