One Direction's odd year in rumours: Squirrel maulings, insured and tattooed arses, giraffe seduction and more

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One Direction have had one hell of a year and when they haven't been piling awards on their mantelpieces and breaking records for number one hits in various countries, they've been selling out shows and singing on the back of moving Olympic lorries.

But frankly who cares about all that? Ok, we do really, but we're also a pretty flighty bunch who are easily distracted when we hear talk of Niall Horan being attacked by rogue squirrels and Harry Styles adding even more cougars to his shopping list.

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One Direction preview new Kiss You video for Bring Me To 1D winners

With that in mind, we thought it about time we remembered some of the finer - and often frankly mental sounding - activities we have heard about the lads and their undercrackers getting up to this year.

You know, like that time Niall declared his love for Simon Cowell through a bum tattoo, Zayn revealed his secret identity as a Merman and Liam admitted that as a child he wouldn't answer unless everyone addressed him as 'Cheesyhead'.

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Oh, and then there was that time a Directioner gave Louis crabs..

Click next to join us for a trip down memory lane >>


Even when he wasn't off scratching an assortment of cougars behind the ears, 2012 has been a busy one for Harry Styles. So busy that at one point he even had to get a vitamin injection in his BUM. Oh what we would have done to be that doctor.

"Four of us had to have vitamin jabs because we were run down. I had mine in my bum. I do get homesick, too," he told the Mirror at the time.

What a trouper.

Harry Styles

Luckily that pepped him up enough buckle down and sort out his priorities in life. Like deciding to get a face tattoo after meeting rapper Angel at the iTunes Festival.

"He was asking about them and I offered to take him down to my boy’s parlour,” Angel told The Sun. “He laughed and said he’d think about it.”

Harry's clearly getting used to being a rockstar, although his inability to throw a TV out of a window makes us think he's probably got a bit of a way to go yet.

"Everyone was saying we weren't very rock 'n' roll," Hazza explained to the Sun. "I thought I'd throw a TV out of the Winnebago window."

"It didn't smash - it didn't even have one scratch on it," Louis added, probably with glee.

Clearly Taylor Swift doesn't mind about all that though - perhaps he used the infamous ovary dissolving tactic of 'giraffe chat' to get into her knickers.

Harry Styles throws a TV through a window. Rockstar behaviour!

"He didn't speak to me at first and was quite quiet," a girl who claims she bedded Harold told Heat earlier on this year. "He was very polite, but didn't seem interested in the girls that were throwing themselves at him."

Of course that meant nothing to the girl until he unleashed his sexy wildlife based knowledge.

"Somebody was talking about a safari trip they'd been on," says the supposed shagger. "Very seriously, Harry said, 'I like giraffes.' "

And that, we'd imagine, was that.

Click next for the rest of the lads >>

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Liam Payne might be known as Daddy Directioner, but he's had a fairly bad ass year. It probably all started when Justin Bieber accused him of stealing his hair.

We never imagined that Captain Sensible had such sticky fingers, but perhaps the Biebs' locks just got stuck onto all the manly grease left over from when Liam was mending Zayn's bike chain in the shed.

Having a bit of a cry to We Love Pop, Justin explained why he got rid of his flicky barnet and pointed at a picture of Liam to prove his point.

"I mean, does that look a little familiar? Just a touch!"

liam payne date

One thing that could explain all this rebellious behaviour is the fact that Liam is secretly an alien. Something only further proved by the fact that his dodgy kidney has magically regrown into a fully functioning organ this year.

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Tweeting about his mutant style skill, Liam said: "Just been for an ultrasound on my kidney turns out its fixed from when I was a baby!!! :o so now I have two :) #weirdnewsoftheday."

Saying that, maybe it can all be explained by alien abduction. He was asked out by an astronaut this year and what's that if not a perfect cover for something a bit freaky deaky?

"A woman at the airport in Los Angeles once told us that if we ever want to go to space, call this number," he told Tigerbeat. "I've still got her card in my wallet".

Definitely a UFO.

Saying that, we can't help thinking that it's probably just that Liam's been quite into experimenting with his identity this year. He's always liked to try different looks out though, and as a child apparently enjoyed nothing more than dressing as a bird.

“My sisters used to dress me,” he told the BBC. “Because I had older sisters they used to try and influence my fashion a bit. Which you know... may have involved a heel or two.”

It doesn't end there. Oh no: "They used to call me Cheesy Head because I ate cheesy crisps all day."

Don't knock it Cheesy Face - learning to totter about in stilettos is a life skill you should be thanking them for. It'll certainly come in handy on your wedding day.

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Not all of these stories have such a happy ending as all that and we can't help remembering the time a One Direction fan gave Louis Tomlinson crabs. Probably not in the pervy way you are thinking.

Asked about things he's been given by Directioners, Louis said: "[The weirdest gift I've ever been given] was a live hermit crab."


STIs aside, the biggest discovery of the year probably concerns the fact that Louis is in fact secretly a Sasquatch, accidentally domesticated after stumbling upon civilisation.

Granted, we may have started the rumours ourselves, but you only have to look at the photographic evidence of Louis in the wild to see that it is all based upon scientific fact.

We should have seen it coming. Especially after the reports he'd gone all J Lo and got his actual arse insured earlier on this year.

"Louis has insured his bum just like J-Lo. We support him and so does his family," bum spokesman Harry told the Daily Star.

Sadly Louis has since denied he has got a secret price on his bum cheeks, saying: “I’m not gonna lose it, am I? Why insure it?”

“He’s not gonna break his bottom, it’s built for comfort,” said Liam Payne, being ta qualified expert on all things round and perky.

Still confused, Louis kept on: "If you sit on a pin and it deflates? Or you wake up one day and there is no bum there? Then it’s just a back."

WE DON'T KNOW LUIGI. You're the one with the insured arse, not us.

Click next for more thrilling 2012 based 1D stories >>


Niall horan might be the only single member of One Direction left, but that doesn't mean he hasn't had his fair share of action this year. Not all of it welcome now you mention it.

We are talking, of course, of the infamous squirrel attack that left Nialler on crutches for several months after the lads got back from the Teen Awards at the end of the summer.

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"A squirrel attacked me," he said, recounting the vicious incident to Capital FM. "I got attacked by a squirrel in Battersea Park. They're dangerous. It's rare."

Niall Horan attacked by a squirrel - crutches

Although his bandmates don't seem to have taken this very seriously, Nialler was lucky enough to have the shoulder and high-waisted trousers of Mr Cowell to lean on in such a difficult time.

"Squirrels are naturally alert and timid creatures. They are not used to humans," he said when asked about the crazy squirrel, known for terrorising many, including Nialler, in Battersea Park.

"I suspect this squirrel had been captured because a completely wild one would not approach humans."

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Oh wait a second, that's a different Mr Cowell - the one from the Wildlife Aid Foundation. Ah well, Niall doesn't seem to have noticed and even got an 'I love SC' tattoo on his arse in gratitude - despite having previously admitted that he'd chickened out of getting one because his bum cheeks were too squidgy.

Appearing on X Factor USA Niall was asked if he has any new tattoos, to which he answered: “Yes I have one”

“It says 'I love SC' and it's on my bum," he added.

Niall Horan breaks the arm of Barack Obama at a BBQ

Joining the 1D tattoo club doesn't seem to have helped him net any girls and although Dustin Hoffman was more than happy to partake in a quick snog with our blonde hero, he was forced to take matters into his own hands and sort Barack Obama out in order to get in there with long time crush, First Lady Michelle Obama.

Narrowly averting some sort of diplomatic incident, Niall was lucky enough to have band pal Chris on hand, who stopped a crisis in its tracks by tweeting Obama a deeply heartfelt apology.

"Don't worry @barackobama, @NiallOfficial's "H-armless," he said.

Click next for Zayn's weird and wonderful year >>


Last but not least is the 2012 based tale of Zayn Malik. Despite being a very cool character, our overriding memory of the Bradfor Bad Boy this year has to be the moment he stepped down from that lorry at the Olympics and we all noticed a small woodland creature nesting upon his already massive quiff.

The albino badger had his claws in so deep that it seemed unlikley they would ever be parted. But after three months being used to seeing the little fellow riding about on Zayn's head, Perrie's hairdresser mum seems to have found some dye strong enough to coax him back into his natural habitat of the local wig shop. The badger that is, not Zayn.

Zayn Malik debuts new blonde highlights at Olympic Closing Ceremony

Animal drama aside, there has been one strange story involving Zayn this year and it just so happens to be the fact that he likes nothing more than prancing around the tour bus in Harry's undercrackers. Be it the snug elasicated cupping or the pre-warming from Harry's own bum, Zayn can't get anough of his crotch hammocks. Probs.

"[I steal their stuff] all the time. I'm the biggest culprit for that. I steal everyone's stuff," Zayn admitted to MTV. "I can never be bothered, like, taking a big suitcase. I nick all the other boys' clothes."

Yeah 'cause Zayn's, like, come away with just a little bag," Louis said. "I've never understood it."

We have to say we're a bit surprised he can even wear knickers. Especially because of the fact that Zayn is secretly a Merman. If you don't believe us all you need to do is answer why it is he always says he can't swim and we never see him near any water. Everyone knows that if you splash a mermaid, their big green tail will instantly appear and they'll be flopping about all over the place.

Yes, this is another one of those stories that we've made up, but you know what? WE DON'T CARE and you shouldn't either as it involves a really crap picture of Zayn as a Mermaid type creature;

We're all winners here, wouldn't you say?

Now which is your favourite tale (or TAIL, ha) of the year? Are there any gems we've missed?

Hopes, dreams and treasured memories below please...

One direction get slapped with the Christmas stick

Zayn Malik's blonde badger quiff: the good old days

Niall Horan: My arse was too squidgy for a tattoo

How Louis Tomlinson got his sass...

Images: PA and WENN
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