Unless you've been off befriending volleyballs on a desert island for the last few months, you're probably aware that awesome aussie pranksters The Janoskians are pretty much set on a quest for world domination. Being the well-mannered lads that they are, we naturally went into our chat expecting to talk about serious stuff like sandwich fillings and the Greek Economic Crisis.
Oh wait, this is well-known nudity fans The Janoskians we're talking about isn't it? Suddenly it makes so much more sense why our extremely innocent line of questioning descended into a discussion about sexual favours, old people and snogging Harry Styles...
Let's cut the pleasantries and start with you giving us your best insult.
James: Insults? Hmm, we have so many good ones, let's see. Oh ok, f*ck off c**t.
Wow, your gentle tone made that sound like a warm caress to our ears. Impressive. So if you had to eat another celebrity to survive, which one would you eat?
James: Cheryl Cole.
Beau: No, Kim Kardashian cos she's got a lot of ass.
James: Cheryl Cole because she'd be f*cking tasty
Beau: I'd go for the more meaty option.
James: I'd go for the tasty option.
If you could spread a rumor about yourselves what would it be?
Beau: This is interesting. Mine would probably be that I slept with Leonardo Di Caprio.
James: And mine would be that he also slept with me.
Nice, we do love a bit of teamwork. You should definitely make that happen. So have you ever been caught in an intimate act?
James: Yes I have. I don't want to go into details but it wasn't that long ago either.
OOH. What kind of situation? Give us a hint.
James: No! No details.
Beau: James got caught in an airport with a girl. That's it.
In the AIRPORT? What, on the conveyor belt at baggage reclaim or something? Was he caught by you lot?
James: No. No. Actually I was caught by… no I can't say.
Beau: I've got a good one. My first love, the first person I had…'love' with [laughs]. Her parents actually walked the first time I ever had 'love'.
Oh no. Did that not scar you for life?
Beau: I was so embarrassed I could never see her again.
So you broke her heart because her parents walked in? What did they say or were they too busy chasing you out of the house?
Beau: No it wasnt quite like that because we'd been going out for a while. They just sort of popped their head in and then popped back out and just started yelling behind the door. Yeah, I had to pull my pants up quickly.
Very nice. If you guys were all in The Hunger Games, who do you think would be the last person standing?
Beau: Probably Daniel because he's a crab. He'd probably just dig himself into the ground and just hide there.
James: Not really a crab, I'd call him a caveman because he'd do anything to survive.
Beau: He's really good with nature because he's a caveman.
Who would you feel the worst about having to kill?
Beau: Probably Jai because he's really innocent and cute. Especially with Ariana. I'd feel kind of bad for Ariana.
Aw, that's very nice and brotherly isn't it? Carrying on with that theme, would you rather lick a tramp on the armpit or the nostril?
Beau: A WHAT?
Like a homeless person.
James: Ah, so would we rather lick Daniel on the nostril or on the armpit?
Beau: Is that a question of what we've done, or will we?
Ha, both. Erm, have you ever licked a tramp at all, let alone on the armpit or the nostril?
James: [laughs] No but I think I'd say Nostril.
Beau: Yeah, I'd go nostril as well.
Even if they had a massive cold with lots of snot oozing out of their slightly crusty looking nose?
Beau: You're making the situation worse now.
James: If they had a cold they'd have a massive amount of sweat too so I don't think I'd want to lick a sweaty armpit.
Beau: Yeah I'd rather lick snot.
James: Have they shaved their armpit? Or, is there still hair?
No it's probably going to be quite hairy and quite smelly.
James: Ah. No then, I'm gonna lick the nose.
Fair enough. So you are walking down the road and you see an old woman about to step into the path of a massive truck. But just at the same time, you see a baby sitting at the side of the road with a massive knife, waving it around in a stabby fashion. You can only save one of them, who would you pick?
James: [laughs] Push the parents in front of the truck?
Beau: Oooh, ouch.
James: I'd probably save the baby because it's a longer life span and the old woman would probably see the truck when it comes closer and closer, so she might move back.
So you're sacrificing the old woman for a baby?
Beau: You've but us in a hard position.
James: Well, there's four of us so one of us would save the baby and the others would save the old woman.
Beau: But, if we save the old lady maybe she might give us sexual favours? A baby can't do that.
James: Yeah but that can in the future, when they've grown up. It's all about time travel.
Beau: Oh yeah, I get ya. Well I'd save the baby then.
Even though you'd miss out on any sexual favours from the old person?
James: Yeah but the baby's an investment. Think about the future, the old person is already past their best.
Beau: Old people don't have teeth. So they're really good for…
James: Wait are we talking about sex or saving their lives?
Beau: It always revolves around sex.
On a similar note, who do you think would be better in bed; Rihanna or Nicki Minaj?
James: Who gives the best what?
Beau: No, who would be better in bed?
James: I think Rihanna. Honestly. Straight out, Rihanna.
Who do you think would win out of them in a mud wrestle?
James: Nicki Minaj probably. I'd take her on, I'd like to give it a try.
Beau: That's like women's abuse.
James: No, because I'd let her abuse me.
Beau: Ok. I like that.
After you've finished letting the Minaj have her way with you, what would you do if Harry Style was coming on to your little sister?
James: I'd knock him the f*ck out if it was my little sister.
Beau: But Harry Style is so hot like I wouldn't mind if he hit on my little brother. Or me. Ohh Harry Styles [makes suspicious snogging noises] Ohh!
So you'd be jealous if he was going to hit on your sibling then?
Beau: Yeah, if he hit on my little sister, I'd be like, "Give me some of the cake".
Well, he is single so you should definitely get in there.
Beau: Exactly [laughs]. I might actually.
Awesome, well that's it - thanks lads.
James: Thanks, we love Sugarscape.
WE LOVE YOU. Ahem.