If you cast your mind back to the beginning of the week, you may remember a rather awkward moment when the world's paparazzi ended up snapping pics of Liam Payne's actual pubes after one rather canny Australian One Direction fan broke into his balcony and stole his boxer shorts. But if you were wondering just how close you came to seeing actual Paynis, Captain Sensible is here to answer all your questions - starting with some pretty precise measurements.

Liam Payne in New Zealand. One Direction images - Sugarscape.com

Reliving the invasion of his personal snake habitat to The New Zealand Herald, Liam explained what actually happened, saying: "I was in bed and I heard something bang on my balcony. I'd woken up and was still in bed. I was lying there and I had no idea what was going on, I just saw this eye peering through the middle of the crack where the door was. And my door doesn't close fully so it was open and she started trying to open it!

"I was like what do I do? I'm NAKED and I have no resources around me to not be naked so I kind of just started shouting my CP guy and she randoff and that's when I put these bad boys on that I'm wearing now and ran outside. And that's why there's a picture of me with almost my full penis out. We were millimetres from a bit of penis there."

"His public hair," Niall added, helpfully (and yes we do mean 'public', before you accuse us of not being able to spell).

"That’s living the dream – walking on the balcony, your wang hanging out," Harry chipped in.

Liam Payne boxers

"The sea breeze softly caressing…” Liam continued, clearly wrapped up in the precious memory of the world’s media photographing his pubes.

But in all seriousness, as much as we love that this happened, it could've ended badly and ever the sensible one, Liam added: “It was a bit scary to be fair, because when you’re naked and there’s a stranger looking through the window… I mean if you turn it around and it was me looking through the window, I’d have been straight in prison, off to jail.

The main problem with that," Harry continued, pondering Liam's Little Things in all their glory, "Is that you are missing a pair of pants. What if you needed to wear them?"

To be honest Harreh, we don't care. We're too busy watching the full interview video below over and over again. The action starts at abut 5.20:

So it turns out those glasses actually turn Nialler into a genius. Who'd have thought it.

What do you make of Liam's snake habitat being out on show? Reckon Directioner's trying to get into the lads' rooms is a step too far?

Comments please...

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Images: REX / Twitter