1. Well I'm free. This is freedom. JE SUIS LIBERTE.
No lectures, no essays, no deadlines, no stress. Just me and the open road of the future.
2. It's going to be the longest and greatest summer of all time.
I'm going to do so much, see so many people and live my very best life at all times.
3. Erm, except this isn't actually summer now. This is just a vast, endless stretch of existence.
An empty life, in which I have absolutely no idea what to do next. Iiiinteresting.
4. And wait, I don't actually have any money to do anything with.
So that slightly scuppers my plans of exploring my potential and discovering myself.
5. Erm… am I officially a grown up now?
Woah woah woah slow down, I still don't know how to make a boiled egg properly.
6. And my student discount is over.
This is the worst thing that's ever happened to me in my entire life.
7. Does this mean I have to find a job now?
Oh god it DOES. Forgot about that.
8. I need to find a job now. Like, an actual job. Not a Saturday job.
What can I put on my CV other than eating pizza and watching daytime TV?
9. Although it should be totally easy, I've got an actual degree now.
A posh scrolly certificate and a photo of me in a funny hat = job offers ROLLING IN.
10. But EVERYONE has a degree now.
Oh god it means nothing I've just wasted three years of my life getting drunk and eating noodles.
11. WTF did I just get into £30,000 worth of debt for?
And how am I ever going to pay that off in my entire life time, government.
12. Everyone on Facebook is getting jobs WHY CAN I NOT GET A JOB
I was definitely better at school than all of these people in ever possible way.
13. EVERYONE IS SO MUCH MORE SUCCESSFUL THAN ME
But at least all the perfect forever couples from school and uni are breaking up hahahaha welcome to the real world, suckers.
14. What the hell is marketing/advertising/recruitment/sales/HR?
Litearlly what even are these jobs and will they pay me £1,000,000 per day.
15. Why do I need to have ten years experience for all of them?
I WOULD HAVE HAD TO START INTERNING AGE 10 YOU DICKS.
16. Well at least I can commit to a hobby or the gym while I'm 'in between jobs'.
Ahhh right, that money thing. Fat, bored and unemployed it is, then.
17. Maybe I should just go travelling the world.
I suspect my true calling in life is lying on a hammock in Bali. But also, money.
18. At least moving home and living with my parents again will be fun.
We'll love each other SO MUCH. Just like old times. So much nostalgia.
19. I want to kill my parents.
Dear god above LET ME LIVE.
20. I miss my uni friends so much.
Gone are the days of holding each other's hair back while we throw up in a shoe together.
21. Why can't I just go back to the good old days of school?
When my biggest worry was whether to have chicken nuggets or turkey twizzlers for lunch.
22. I can't imagine having a life with structure again.
Does Jeremy Kyle miss me as much as I miss him?
23. Stop the real world, I want to get off.
UNIVERSITY WHY DID YOU HAVE TO END.
24. Also, give me a job.
For the love of God. I've dropped my expectations to an all time low so come at me, employees.