Happy Birthday Harreh!


Unless you've been off in a dark cave where your only access to celeb gossip involves an old shoe with Jedward's communal face painted on it, you're probably aware that it's very nearly One Direction hottie Harry Styles' BIRTHDAY.

Having packed such a lot into his short time on the planet, we'd imagine that the next 19 years are going to be rather busy. Being serious journalists and secret fortune tellers, we've consulted the glow in the dark stars on our bedroom ceiling and have come up with a few predictions for Hazlan's future. Naturally they all seem extremely likely...

Harry Styles

1. Pour his millions into a charity protecting Cougars.

Having gained so much joy from cougars over the years, Harry will decide that it's time to give back and starts a charity devoted to protecting their future as a species.

After he is banned from being within five feet of Simon Cowell following an incident involving a protest banner, a charity collection box and his naked bottom, Harry will retreat to his countryside cougar farm, where he will turn his attentions to starting a breeding program and reintroducing the offspring into the wild after naming them in honour of all his exes.

2. Start dating younger gals.

19 years is quite a long time and after a lifelong career dating the elderly, Hazza decides that actually it might be about time to turn over a new leaf and try something new.

Sorry SuBo, we knew you had your fingers crossed it was nearly your turn.

3. Give us all a heart attack by managing to speak quicker than the speed of paint drying

Growing tired of people falling into comas during the time it takes him to get a sentence out, Harry decides to stop focusing all his attentions on touching other members of 1D and instead tries really, really hard to get out a whole sentence in less time than it takes for Louis Tomlinson to arrange all his hair products in alphabetical order.

People the world over are so shocked to hear him get a sentence out that the national press naturally assume he has been possessed by some sort of spirit and is speaking in tongues. Luckily Gok Wan is on hand to sort Hazza out through the medium of reality television. Taking on the job lot he also helps out Niall Horan, who has been branded a warlock after running naked down the road covered in nothing more than a thin coating of peri peri sauce.

No? Just us then... But what do you reckon Hazza has in store for the next 19 years?

Comments please..

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