Okay, that’s got to be code for something rude.
We know Harry Styles loves a naked lady (or ten) but we didn’t know he loved them THAT MUCH, so when we saw pictures of him with a stripping police woman giving him an eye full on his 19th birthday night out yesterday, we were left questioning WHAT DID WE JUST SEE?
But Harry has been chatting to The Sun newspaper, and told them all about the raunchy birthday prezzie, which it turns out was from none other than Nick Grimshaw. Grimmy, you absolute lad.
He told the paper “It was great. I was in stitches, it was really funny. We had a great night.”
Stitches? Really Arreh? It looks a bit more like utter fear and confusion to us, but okay, if you say so. We'll pretend you were loving every second and weren't really crying inside.
He started by setting the scene for us, like some kind of very strange film. “Grimmy said I had to sit there because he was bringing a cake. He started telling everyone to be quiet, but I could see the cake in the kitchen and the candles weren’t lit, so I was like ‘What’s going on?’ Then Grimmy said, ‘Someone in here is under-age’, and I saw a police hat bobbing through the crowd. I was like ‘Oh no!’”
Awh poor little Hazwan, the terror when he realised what was going on must have been welling up inside him like when he realised that Taylor Swift would end up writing songs about him and his washbag.
Harry went on “The stripper didn’t really say anything, she just began her routine. I have never seen my manager run so quick to cover the CCTV cameras, but the pictures got out anyway.”
And thank the gods they did. Priceless. BUT ANYWAY, what did actually happen in this dance then, Harry? Do tell us, oh gorgeous one.
“She stripped down to her underwear but unfortunately there was a no-nudity policy in the bar. She didn’t handcuff me but the funniest part was that when she finished she said ‘I’m really sorry but I couldn’t find my truncheon so I had to bring my nunchucks.’ That was a bit weird.”
Nunchuks? Is that what you kids call ‘em these days? Strewth.
He finished by saying that yesterday he basically his hangover felt like a dragon farted in his his little curly bonce. “Put it this way, it was a long day. We had two nights on the trot, but you have to on your birthday, don’t you?”
Does anyone else wish it had been a short overweight police stripper like Danny Devito in that Friends episode? Those photos would have been a lot more entertaining.