We've written Zayn Malik some lyrics for his Mind of Mine album

BrOke OuR SHifT KeY iN ThE PrOCEsS

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When Zayn Malik 'unveiled' his Mind of Mine album tracklisting yesterday; a few things crossed our minds. 1) Are we literally looking at someone's MSN display name circa 2004, 2) Did whoever typed out the titles get bored of the whole sHiFt KeY SiTuAtiOn by track 15 and give up and 3) is the background of the accompanying image actually sperm? The jury's out.

Then we started wondering about, y'know, the actual content of the songs beyond the unexplained capitalisation of characters. Obviously we'll have the album in and aroun d our earholes when it's released on March 25th; but in the meantime we thought we'd put some lyrics to the titles of el Maliko's as-yet-unheard tunes. Why not, eh?

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Essentially we're expecting the tracks to sound a little bit like so, and we've never been wrong about this kind of thing before. Oh no wait, we have. We *really* have. Let's 'ave a go though, shall we?

MiNd 0f MiNdd (INTRO)

Oi, mate, you had one job,

But right now I just reckon you're a slob.

All you had to do was get my album title right,

D'ya know what, pal? Get out of my sight.

You didn't need the d once, let alone twice (oi oi)

Might as well have employed the Three Blind Mice.


This is the tale of the flower on that girl's vagina,

In the grand scheme of the 'PILLOWTALK' video it was supposed to be minor.

It was an arty statement, a sign or artistic edge,

Next time I'll just include a shot of a window ledge.


Whoever wrote this tracklist should've stayed off the fizzy Vimto,

Asked 'em to proof read it, but no.

Instead they come back to me with this absolute gobbledygook,

Literally wHaT tHe AcTuAL Fo0k?


Louis, Harry, Liam and Niall,

I walk away and say this with a smile,

I'm gonna go off, do my own thing,

Wait a minute, can normal 22-year-olds still sing?

Zayn Malik It's You Music video GIF

So yeah, move over...Ed Sheeran. Or something.What d'ya make of that, then? Give us a tweet over @sugarscape and make use of those NOW READ THESE PLEASE:

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What do you think?