We caught up with the X Factor lot at their hotel recently, and through the hectic-ness of it all managed to drag Union J off to the bathroom (only quiet place) for a Stupid Interview. Alas, George Shelley was off having his dinner somewhere and couldn't make it up, but we cornered Josh, Jaymi and JJ for some odd grilling about marmite and pantomime sex. Ahem.

Right boys, give us your most cutting insult.
Josh: You whizzer. Yeah, you whizzer.

Eh?
Josh: It's just a made up word, it's what I call people as a bit of a joke

So if people are pissing you off you'd be like 'yoooooou WHIZZER'?

Josh: Yeah, I'd be like "Shut up you whizzer."
Jaymi: It's quite a light hearted insult coz people will always be like, "What's a whizzer?" So it gets a few laughs.

If you were dying on a desert island, and the only food was celebrity, who would you eat to survive?
Jaymi: What? The FOOD is celebrity?

Yeah
JJ: I'd probably have some really hot bird like Michelle Keegan or someone, just because she's... Tasty. I sound like a cannibal don't I?

You did say that quite slowly. Some might find it odd.
JJ: Hmmm yeah.
Josh: I'd eat Boris Johnson, coz he's got a lot of meat, and I'd last on the desert island with him
JJ: Sh*t I didn't think of that.

He seems like he drinks a lot of red wine as well so he might be all marinaded.
Josh: YEAH. Yeah he might taste good. I mean, there are certain parts of him I wouldn't eat, y'know, especially the calves.
Jaymi: Who?
Josh: Boris Johnson, the mayor of London. You must know him. I wanna survive on the desert island.
JJ: Oh man, yours was a good answer. Mine was terrible.

Don't sweat it honey. Let's talk about marmite instead.
Jaymi: LOVE IT!
JJ: Love it
Josh: Hate it!
Jaymi: I love it so much that I even like Bovril which is like, the meat substitute one.

Bleugh. Do you love it so much you'd let someone else put it on your toast for you? Just slop it on willy nilly?
Jaymi: Yeah definitely. Marmite's marmite, why would I mind? Ugh, now we've said this I really want some marmite on toast. I might try and get some from the hotel later. I genuinely want some. Just anything on toast.

Anything?
Jaymi: Yeah anything. Marmite on toast, peanut butter on toast, jam on toast - I'd just slap it on.

You're CRAZY.
Jaymi: Right?
Josh: I just hate it, wouldn't go near it. The smell, texture, the taste, the aftertaste. Urrrgh.

Would you rather lick a tramp in the armpit or the nostril?
JJ: Probably the nostril.
Josh: Nostril.
Jaymi: Nos....tril. Yeah.
JJ: Armpits can be quite smelly
Josh: And hairy!

Let's move on. You're walking down the street on a lovely sunny day and you see an old lady about to walk across the street in front of a lorry. At the same time you see a baby about to pick up A GRENADE. What do you do?
JJ: I would probably do – as horrible as it sounds – but I would do the kid because it hasn't lived yet.
Josh: Also if it's a grenade, that could cause everyone to die.
JJ: Yeah! Josh: I would save the kid, like JJ just said because it's got its whole life ahead of it, and the old lady would understand.
Jaymi: How would you explain to her though?
Josh: Yeah, but she'd understand, know what I mean.
Jaymi: I'd probably just run really fast and try and do both.

How fast can you run though?
Jaymi: Well, if the baby's holding the grenade, and you take the grenade off him – would it blow up in your hand? Oh, maybe.
JJ: Can this include a line "If you had superpowers"?

OK.
JJ: Well then we'd save both. Obviously.

That's probably why it's not in the question originally. Have you ever caught each other in an intimate moment?
Jaymi: No.

That was quick.

Josh: No.

It doesn't have to be sexy "persay" just intimate.
Jaymi: Well we always walk in on JJ in the bath.

Like it ain't no thang.
Josh: We always do it, we take pictures.
JJ: You know these doors here, I had a bath yesterday, and to be fair they haven't done it in a while, but I have to always close them properly.
Josh: I'm not interested in seeing you in the bath anymore,
Jaymi: It's no fun after the first time.

How was the first time?
Jaymi: Not impressed. We weren't were we?
Josh: I think it was you and George.
Jaymi: Oh yeah, we took pictures and sent them to people, all my friends had them.

Would you rather never be able to get pleasure from food again or never from sex again?
JJ: Never from se- no wait, what was the first one? Food? Ok food. Never get pleasure from food. I need sex.
Jaymi: I need food. It's imperative in my life.
Josh: Can I change the rules and keep sex, but then also have the option of having a really good pizza from time to time?

No. That's not the game.
Josh: Awwwwww! But if I can have a pepperoni pizza every other day just to last me that would be – without food you wouldn't have the energy to have sex!

Er, you can still have food, you just won't enjoy it.

All: Ohhhh
Josh: Keep sex
Jaymi: Keep sex
JJ: Keep sex – as long as we can still have food for the energy for it.

Who do you think would be better in bed, Nicki Minaj or Rihanna?
JJ: Rihanna
Josh: Nicki Minaj
Jaymi: Nicki Minaj would be weird, she'd start putting on costumes and doing voices and stuff
Josh: That would be awesome. Like weird pantomime sex.

You'd like a bit of pantomime sex?
Josh: Well I mean I've never had it, but…
JJ: She's behind yoooou!

Cool, we'll leave it there then.
JJ: That was actually a very good interview, thanks.

No trubs bruv.