One of our favourite things about Taylor Swift is her ability to slag off all her famous ex-boyfriends in song and completely get away with it. Now consider these rumours about her, One Direction's Harry Styles and their supposed romance that we keep hearing about.
Nobody seems to have any clue whether there's even a sliver of truth in them, but forget any objections you might have for a second and consider what would happen if they dated, broke up and then she wrote an entire album about the ins and outs of being his girlfriend.
IMAGINE HOW INCREDIBLE THAT WOULD BE. Mainly because we assume it would be full of tracks with hidden double meanings for old (shag) times' sake.
With that in mind we would like to introduce you to 'Horizontally Striped', Taylor Swift's newest and as yet most imaginary album. Featuring hit tracks ‘Bow Tie Blues’, ‘Dear Anne’, 'Show Us Your Bus Pass' and number one single ‘Speak Now. No Really, Our Break Up Has Already Lasted 97 Minutes Because You Speak So Bloody Slowly’ - you are clearly in for a treat.
However, we’re most interested in the newest single on the album. Mainly because it has given us a few clues who the whole thing is all about. There’s also a special guest on the track, a collaborator you might say. You will probably recognise him for his red hair and intimate knowledge of Hazza’s willy.
Check out the (admittedly terrible) lyrics by clicking next >>
Here we go...
The Story of that Time Your Hair Gave Me Whiplash
Your curls might smell like shags and Autumn,
I don’t even mind the tatt of my face on your bum,
The problems all started when you heard I’m twenty two,
Usually nothing but OAPs and cougars for you.
All I can say is this is right old palaver,
I'd have fancied you less if you’d worn a balaclava,
I don’t even care if Zayn teaches you to pout,
I'm sorry, it’s really just not gonna work out.
Mate, I told ya not to get your willy out,
Slap bang in the middle of your first date,
It worked on me, but that was our alone time in the van,
Not backstage in front of Mario Lopez and seven hundred fans.
We can’t even blame your Range Rover crash,
Even if you were busy thinking about that time 1D shared a pash,
It had nothing to do with your lack of moustache,
But it's more that your hair flick gives me frickin’ awful whiplash.
Well, it's probably fair to say that Taylor won't be calling us up for any songwriting advice any time soon.
If you can do better (we're sure anybody in their right mind can) be our guest below..