Shut up, this serious.
We get to talk to a lot of hot men here at Sugarscape and it’s always a pleasure never a chore. But there are times when we can’t spend the interview playing with our hair and making massive fools of ourselves, sometimes we need to ask the hard hitting questions. Step forward Teen Wolf’s Colton Haynes and his Stupid Interview.
Do what you can to really insult us.
Oh. Woowww. (Long pause.) I don’t know how to insult you! Let’s see...
We’ve got quite streaky fake tan if you wanted to go for that?
Do you? I actually don’t think so. Do you bite your nails?
No but our nail varnish is really chipped.
Well you look like you do.
If you had to eat another celebrity who would it be?
Rihanna. It would just be... delicious. It would be very juicy and delicious. She probably smells like brown sugar... like one of those sugar candy sticks... wow.
If you were going to spread one rumour about yourself what would it be?
That I’m actually now in a relationship with Adele. She’s not dating that guy, and I’m not actually staying at this hotel, I’m staying at her country house. Well that’s what I’ve heard.
Have you ever been caught in an intimate act?
(Laughs.) I have definitely. It was in detention one time. It wasn’t too intimate, but intimate so that we got another detention.
Would you rather lick a tramp’s armpit or their nostril?
The nostril. Yeah. Armpits are gross.
You see an old lady cross the road into the path of a big lorry, at the same time you spot a baby about to pick up a massive sharp knife, who do you save?
It’s so bad, ‘cause I would save the baby. I mean, that old lady she’s only got a few more years left, and the kid.
Old people don't like me. I used to work in a casino and there are these old lady slot machines and they get so mad because they’re not winning, and I’d find which one was the maddest and sweep in and end up winning when she walked off.
So you spend your time terrorising old people?
But I love babies!
How do you feel about Marmite?
Is that the disgusting... is it candy, or jam?
You put it on your toast.
I’ve heard of it. Just eugh. It looks like it would taste like black liquorice, ugh. I got chills.
Who would be better in bed, Rihanna or Nicki Minaj?
Rihanna. I think you- I’m just gonna say this, but it’s so bad; but I think you have to like avoid... There’s just something on Nicki Minaj that would look like it takes a while to get around. She looks like hassle.
If we were a man we wouldn’t know where to start.
Well yeah, I’d just be... I wouldn’t know whether to like, you know... (Laughs) Here’s where I get in trouble.
What would you do if Harry Styles cracked on to your sister?
I would allow them to date him so I could be the new member of One Direction. I’m slowly working my way in there; I’m an actor so I could see myself in there somehow.
Maybe you could act in their videos?
I could be in the background, just kind of dancing and swaying. I could play the tambourine.
Everyone needs a tambourine player.
Yeah. Plus I could say that my sister was dating one of 1D so all the Directioners would be on my side. And you can’t start a war with the Directioners, ‘cause I accidentally kind of did.
Inadvertently one of the Directioners changed her name from “Mrs Styles” to “Mrs Haynes” and she had 30,000 followers or something and I got the brunt of it.
I thought I was going to get blacklisted from Twitter or something. In fact I almost wasn’t let into the country.
WOAH BIG. And also not true.
Thanks Colton, you Rihanna loving dreamboat.