As in wins, not physically beats him up
In ye olden days, Louis Tomlinson and Zayn Malik may have ridden giant white horses up to Perrie Edwards and Eleanor Calder's castles, played a love sonnet on some kind of banjo and ridden the girls off into the sunset, where they fed them grapes while burshing their hair.
These days, it all happens on Twitter.
Following Zayn Malik's bold declaration of love for Perrie on her birthday last week, Luigi T's followed suit and shouted about his affections for Eleanor Calder to the world in celebration of her 20th birthday.
Yeah, see that Zayn? Love you LOTS AND LOTS.
Louis' mum also wished Eleanor a Happy Birthday, hoping that she has "a lovely day with my lovely boy."
It's important to note there's been no word from Harry as yet. We imagine he's crying silent tears while watching our Larry Stylinson montage video, picking petals off a black rose and shaking.