Well, we couldn't call it 'flaccid or erect' ... could we?
Yesterday's arrival of Zayn Malik pictures that were so fit they should be BANNED (seriously, we nearly electrocuted ourselves after dribbling onto our keyboards, and our cleaning bill was HUGE after all kind of internal-organ explosions took place all over the Sugarscape desks) have lead us to much intellectual thoughts and pondering, as usual.
Did he look fitter because of his floppy hair?
The only thing to do at a brain-stimulating time like this is to analyse the evidence.
Here he is on the left at Capital FM's Jingle Bell Ball last year - the longest we've ever seen his hair in real life (we even measured it, watch the video here), and on the right outside The X Factor studios.
WE JUST CAN'T DECIDE.
Observe as Zayn Malik demonstrates how a serious-face can be made smouldering with both hair quiffed up to Jedward proportions, and shiny locks swept emotionally across the face.
We think we're leaning towards the anti-quiff.
You? THIS IS IMPORTANT.
The ever-changing hair of Zayn Malik - a journey through time
We measure Zayn Malik's quiff
Zayn Malik has an EXACT routine for maintaining his hair
It's the Zayn Malik gallery of pouting
PICS: Wenn / PA